Conversation Tips to Talk with Your Teen

Date: 01/08/20

The first step in having good conversations with your teen is to think, in a quiet moment, how you feel about whatever it is you want to talk about with your teen. Then, take advantage of the teachable moments in your lives and take some conversation tips from parents who’ve been in your shoes. It is important to be honest with yourself so that you can be honest with your teen.

Whether talking to your teen about sexual relationships, alcohol or drug use, everyday situations can offer a natural way to ease into a conversation with a teen. The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services offers some conversation tips to help talk with your teen.

Keep your composure. Remain calm. Becoming angry or overreacting to a question or mistake can upset your teen, or worse, silence any hope of future dialogue. Instead, listen and ask open-ended questions.

Be present. Parents have a lot going on these days. When you have a chance to talk with your teen though, try to put some of those worries and activities aside. Pay attention to the conversation and don’t do too many other things at the same time. You don’t have to drop everything; you can cook or do laundry while you talk. Just be sure to listen and make certain your teen knows you are hearing every word.

Be sympathetic. Let your teen know you understand how challenging life as an adolescent can be. Your teen may not believe you can really relate. Help teens know that you understand that the social pressures and obligations of a teen can feel like a lot. Encourage them to stay focused on school and other priorities.

Stress safety. When it comes to sexual activity, regardless of your views on the timing of sex, safety is an important part of the message to give your teen. Don't lecture or nag, but don’t be too shy to emphasize this point.

Provide the facts. Give teens complete and honest information.

Talk with them, instead of preaching. Resist the urge to talk AT them. Instead, share with them. Let them know how you felt and the challenges you faced when you were their age.

Have lots of discussions. Don’t look at this as one huge, overwhelming moment. Keep in mind that talking to your teen is an ongoing conversation. It takes place in bits and pieces over time. It’s not one big talk.

Keep tabs on TV. More than 75 percent of prime-time programs contain sexual content, yet only 14 percent of sexual incidents mention risks or responsibilities of sexual activity.

Make media matter. Spend time watching TV or a movie with your teen and use what happens to the characters as a way to start talking about your own values. Movies and TV shows are great conversation starters because they shift the focus away from teens to characters they might identify with.

Chat in the car. You may find the car to be a good place for having conversations that are slightly uncomfortable. You don’t have to look at each other and it can be a private setting.

Text your teen. The average teen sends and receives 50 text messages a day, but makes and receives just five phone calls. Send positive text messages to your teen or follow up a conversation with a text that reinforces what you just talked about.